I just returned from DC yesterday to discover that somehow, remarkably and unbelievably, my 20's were over. And it occurred to me this weekend, in one of those "it should be incredibly obvious and yes I understand in my head what's happening but, wow, I just got it" moments, that I will not get this time back. There is no going back, no do overs, no special compensation for those who threw time away. Life moves on and so must I. Trite. I know. But I think a part of me always thought that I would get a chance to figure out life like my friends who didn't get knocked up at 20. Like maybe I would be given some free time at some point to get to know myself. But this weekend was as close as it was going to get (thank you Rob for letting me leave you and the kids for 4 days) and it had to be enough. What I realized is, that no one knows themselves much better than anyone else. I know that I am capable of raising two young boys and navigating a marriage for 8 1/2 years. This has to be enough for now.
On the other hand, spending time with my three girl cousins (all older and all my childhood heroes, they wore black freaking lip stick for goodness sake!) this weekend made me realize that we are all aging in the same Grandma Fender mold, with thickening bellies and thicker skins. It's an odd thing to look around you and see three people raised in different cities and living very different lives who are very much like you in some defining ways. Things I thought of as my own are no more than character traits instilled in us by our hard drinking, tough as nails Grandma and the 8 kids she raised (our parents). Maybe it's because Grandma died this year but the whole thing seemed incredibly sad and sweet. We are her legacy. And we are crazy.
Don't get me wrong. All in all, between the cousins whom I love so very dearly and the amazing friends wishing me well, this was my best birthday ever. I'm looking forward to this decade.
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